Meh and the Lizard King: A One-Off Adventure

 One cloudy afternoon, Meh was lying on the couch staring at the ceiling. Gerald barged in without knocking, holding a half-eaten bag of Doritos.

“Bro,” Gerald said with crumbs on his shirt. “I had a dream last night that you were a lizard king.”

Meh sat up slowly. “A lizard king?”

“Yeah, you had a crown made of nacho cheese and everyone bowed down to you.”

Meh squinted. “Why nacho cheese?”

Gerald shrugged. “I don’t make the rules of dreamland, bro.”

Before Meh could respond, the door suddenly swung open again. It was Sun, glowing brightly, sunglasses on indoors.

“Yo,” Sun said, pointing dramatically. “I heard about this lizard king prophecy.”

Meh groaned. “Here we go again.”

Gerald raised his Doritos bag like it was sacred. “The prophecy states that only the chosen one with crumbs on his shirt can awaken the true powers of the lizard king!”

Everyone froze.

Then Gerald looked down at his shirt. “…Oh no.”

Suddenly, the ground shook. A giant lizard tail smashed through the wall of Meh’s house. Dust flew everywhere. Meh sighed, brushing drywall off his head.

“Every time,” Meh muttered.

Gerald dropped his Doritos. “It’s starting.”

The giant lizard head peeked inside and growled. “Who has the nacho cheese crown?”

Meh glanced at Gerald, then at Sun. “…Not it.”

Sun raised both hands. “Don’t look at me, I’m solar powered.”

Gerald coughed nervously. “Uh… maybe we should… run?”

Meh stood up, cracked his knuckles, and walked toward the giant lizard like he had nothing to lose. “Nah,” he said, smirking. “This is Meh Series business.”

The giant lizard leaned closer, sniffing the room. “I smell… Doritos.”

Gerald froze. “Uh… that’s me.”

In one swift chomp, the lizard ate the entire bag right out of Gerald’s hands, leaving him with nothing but orange fingers.

“HEY!” Gerald shouted. “Those were Cool Ranch! Not nacho cheese!”

The lizard blinked, confused, then suddenly coughed. A glowing, golden nacho cheese crown shot out of its mouth and landed right on Meh’s head.

Everyone stared.

Meh sighed. “…Great. I’m officially the Lizard King.”

Gerald clapped. “All hail His Scaly Majesty!”

Sun took off his sunglasses dramatically. “Destiny has been fulfilled.”

Meh crossed his arms. “Nah, bro. Destiny owes me a new wall.”

The lizard gave a polite thumbs-up, then slowly backed out of the house and disappeared into the distance.

Everyone stood in silence.

Meh tossed the nacho crown onto the couch. “I’m ordering pizza.”

Gerald raised a finger. “As long as it’s not Domino’s.”

Meh gave him a deadpan stare. “…Get out.”

Gerald slowly shuffled toward the door, mumbling, “Fine… but if the lizard comes back, don’t expect me to share my Doritos.”

Then he tripped over the nacho crown, face-planted into the carpet, and muffled out:

“All hail King Meh…”

Meh just sighed.