Meh: One Hair Against Olympus

 The sky above ancient Rome cracked open like shattered glass.

Thunder rolled across the heavens as every Roman god descended at once.

At the center of the ruined forum stood Meh.

One strand of hair curved upward from his head like an antenna. His gray hoodie hung loose. His hands stayed in his pockets.

“Seriously?” Meh sighed. “All of you?”

Above him floated Jupiter, lightning dancing in his hands. Beside him stood Mars in crimson armor, while Neptune raised a trident that flooded the streets with roaring waves.

The rest surrounded him too.

Venus.
Mercury.
Apollo.
Diana.
Pluto.

The entire pantheon.

Jupiter pointed toward Meh.

“You challenge the gods themselves?”

Meh blinked slowly.
“Nah. You guys just interrupted my nap.”

Mars charged first.

His spear screamed through the air with enough force to split mountains.

Meh lazily stepped half an inch to the left.

The spear missed.

Mars crashed through three marble temples.

“HOW?!” Mars roared.

“Skill issue,” Meh muttered.

Mercury vanished into super speed, creating hundreds of afterimages around Meh. Blades flashed from every direction.

Meh yawned.

Then his single strand of hair moved.

Just moved.

A shockwave exploded outward.

BOOM.

Mercury pinballed across Rome like a skipped rock.

Apollo fired arrows made of sunlight. Neptune summoned tidal waves. Jupiter unleashed enough lightning to turn the night white.

The attacks collided directly into Meh—

—and the smoke cleared to reveal him untouched, staring at his phone.

“…wifi’s still dead,” he said sadly.

The gods froze.

Even Pluto looked nervous.

Venus whispered, “Is he… mortal?”

“No clue,” Diana answered.

Jupiter raised both arms and summoned his final storm. The clouds twisted into a giant vortex of divine power.

“ALL GODS! ATTACK TOGETHER!”

The heavens erupted.

Fire. Ice. Thunder. Darkness. Oceans. Arrows. Spears.

Everything struck Meh at once.

Silence followed.

Then from the crater came one exhausted voice:

“Meh.”

A pulse of invisible energy burst from him.

The entire Roman pantheon launched into orbit like bowling pins.

Jupiter crashed into the moon.

Neptune landed in the Atlantic.

Mars got stuck upside down in a volcano.

Hours later, the ruined city became quiet again.

Meh sat on a broken pillar eating chips.

His one strand of hair bounced slightly in the wind.

A trembling god peeked from the clouds.

“Who… what are you?”

Meh shrugged.

“Just Meh.”