Meh Series: Teleport vs Speed

In the strange universe of Meh, powers were everywhere.

Flying cats. Talking sandwiches. Giant ducks with laser eyes.

But two heroes stood above the rest.

Tele

Master of teleportation.

He could blink from place to place instantly. One second he’d be eating noodles on a rooftop… the next he’d appear upside down inside a volcano just because he felt like it.

And then there was…

Zoomy

The fastest being in the Meh universe.

He ran so fast he could finish homework before the teacher assigned it. He once outran sunlight for three seconds just to prove he could.

Naturally, they argued every single day.

“Speed is superior,” Zoomy bragged while vibrating like a blender.

Tele rolled his eyes. “Bro, I literally skip distance itself.”

One day, their argument became so loud that reality cracked.

A giant floating referee named Gerald appeared from the sky wearing sunglasses and holding a burrito.

“You two are annoying,” Gerald said. “Settle this with a battle.”

The clouds exploded dramatically for no reason.

ROUND ONE — THE CITY RACE

“GO!”

Zoomy blasted forward instantly, creating tornadoes behind him.

Tele simply teleported to the finish line.

“I win,” Tele said calmly.

Zoomy skidded into a wall.

“That’s cheating!”

“That’s literally my power.”

Gerald nodded thoughtfully while eating chips.

“Fair point.”

ROUND TWO — THE MAZE

A giant maze appeared.

Zoomy zoomed through the corridors at impossible speed.

Tele teleported randomly around the maze…

…and accidentally teleported into the snack room.

Twenty minutes later, Zoomy escaped the maze victoriously.

Tele walked out eating garlic bread.

“Worth it.”

ROUND THREE — THE FINAL BATTLE

Suddenly, alarms rang across the Meh universe.

A monstrous creature called The Lag Monster emerged from the internet dimension.

Everything slowed down.

Videos buffered.

Games froze.

Even memes loaded in low quality.

“NOOOOO!” Gerald screamed dramatically.

The heroes attacked immediately.

Zoomy ran circles around the monster at hyperspeed, creating giant whirlwinds.

But the Lag Monster slowed time itself.

Zoomy began moving slower… and slower…

“Oh no,” he said in slow motion.

Meanwhile, Tele tried teleporting attacks.

But the monster glitched space around itself, causing Tele to accidentally teleport into a refrigerator.

“I hate this universe sometimes,” Tele muttered.

The monster grew larger.

The sky pixelated.

Reality started buffering.

Then Gerald had an idea.

“AYO,” Gerald shouted. “COMBINE YOUR POWERS!”

Tele and Zoomy looked at each other.

“Fine,” they both said.

Zoomy grabbed Tele’s shoulder and ran at maximum speed while Tele teleported them forward repeatedly.

The combination became unstoppable.

They moved so fast and so unpredictably that the Lag Monster couldn’t process them.

Finally—

BOOM.

The monster exploded into Wi-Fi signals and expired memes.

The universe returned to normal.

People cheered.

Gerald wiped away a tear.

“That was so peak.”

Later that night, Tele and Zoomy sat on a rooftop.

“So…” Zoomy said. “Who’s better?”

Tele shrugged.

“Teleportation skips distance.”

“Yeah, but speed breaks limits.”

They argued for another six hours.

Gerald teleported in holding tacos.

“You both lost.”

“Why?”

“Because I ate your leftovers.”